There are a few moments in a parent’s life when thoughts of the past, present, and future come rushing in at the same time. We wonder what we did wrong or right in the past, what we can do now as our day progresses, and what will happen in the future. When we receive a diagnosis for our kid with Down Syndrome, or any diagnosis, these simultaneous thoughts occur. They come rushing in – usually with their dark clouds hanging over them – and we become overwhelmed, maybe even discouraged.
When a doctor or healthcare worker comes to us and “breaks” the news that our child has a genetic abnormality, one of our first thoughts, unfortunately, is wondering what we did in the past that may have caused this. This is usually the case regardless if we received the news prenatally or post-partum. I still remember that long list of reasons I came up with for why Leo has Down Syndrome and the majority of them had to do with something that I may have done when I was trying to get pregnant with Leo.
Along with the past, we think about the present and hope that our child doesn’t have any current health complications that sometimes tag along with a diagnosis. We hope that we are doing enough for them and giving them their best fighting chance in that moment to thrive in this world. My early days with Leo consisted of nerves, wondering if he would get a cold from someone he was with, and trying to figure out how I could avoid it while trying not to stop him from experiencing what it is to be a kid.
After past and present thoughts, the scariest thoughts come in. Thoughts of the future. Here is where the most unknowns lie, and I believe that is what makes it the most nerve-wrecking. We wonder what our kid’s life will look like and how much of what we had planned out for them in our minds will come to be. It’s silly to think of our kids as adults while we hold them in our arms as a baby, but it’s what my mind inadvertently did. I wondered whether Leo would be able to have a “normal” childhood, have friends, or possibly even get married and create a family of his own one day. I don’t know these answers now, and I won’t know them until they happen, but I have come to learn that the possibilities are endless.
The past should be left where it is, and only visited to reminisce about a beautiful memory or to learn from past mistakes humbly and wisely. The present should be lived, trying to enjoy every moment, and hoping that we get granted “the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, the courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” (The Serenity Prayer will always be my go-to). The future should be approached with an open mind and hope that the love and guidance we’ve given our children is enough to allow them to live their life with whatever makes them happy. So, if you ever find yourself with simultaneous thoughts of your kid’s past, present, and future…take a deep breath, tackle one at a time and realize that they are just thoughts and the most important thing is your physical child there with you either in your belly or in your arms.