'Highway hypnosis'... If you haven’t heard this term, but you drive, chances are you’ve experienced it. It’s a term used to describe the “phenomenon” of arriving at your destination and realizing there is a piece of your trip that you don’t remember. Although this seems like a scary thought, in reality, our bodies are externally aware, but mentally we are somewhere else.
Being a mom to three kids, all under seven years old, I find myself frequently experiencing a similar phenomenon. Let’s call it 'mom hypnosis'... No, this isn’t using hypnosis on your kids to make them behave (although that sounds like a pretty good idea). When I lay down in my bed at the end of an exceptionally long and exhausting day, I find myself realizing that certain pieces of that day are a little hazy. I notice that there are times I was working on autopilot mom mode, which let’s face it, is our way of making it to the night or end of the week in one semi-sane piece. In my efforts to get things done – feed kids, dress kids, drive them to school, drive them to their activities, etc. – I notice that there are times when I’m not fully present in the moment. During each activity, my mind is already going to the next one. I am wondering if we will make it on time or how I will convince my kids to do something they probably don’t want to do. I wonder if I have all the necessary, aka unnecessary, things in my overly sized mom bag or whether or not that one sneeze that my son had means he’s getting sick. This way of thinking makes me go into 'mom hypnosis'. I’m physically there in the moment with my kids, taking care of them, but mentally and emotionally I am in two different places. I get to the end of the day, or even the end of the week, and ask myself, “How are we here already?”
When I find myself realizing this, my mom guilt creeps in. All my kids need me in their own way. They want that one-on-one time and the truth is, many days, I don’t feel like I have the energy to give them each the attention they deserve while still taking care of myself as well. My oldest daughter wants me to play dolls with her or have a “spa” day. My middle, who happens to have Down Syndrome, wants to gain some more independence, which I want to give him, but it requires a lot more supervision. The latest addition to our family just wants that simple, silly, and repetitive play time that generates the sweetest giggles. I try not to give this guilt too much attention, but some days it wins.
These days where I verbally share my struggles with someone, I usually get the response to, “Enjoy it now because later you will miss it.” I know this is true, but in that time it’s usually hard to imagine. It’s easier to just let the mom hypnosis take over and help me "survive". I know eventually I will get to the destination of realizing my kids are grown up and I don’t want to discover that I was on autopilot mode most of the time. What I’m currently trying to do in order to beat the hypnosis, is to list all those little instants I love having with them. If we can visualize this, it makes it more realistic that one day they won’t want us to lay down with them at night until they fall asleep or listen to silly stories about what happened during their day. One day they won’t ask us hundreds of questions that make no sense whatsoever and their imaginations will change, taking away the moments of pretending to be mermaids or one of their favorite cartoon characters. One day they won’t stare at our face and try to remember every little piece that makes us their mom. There will be other wonderful moments and experiences, but they will be new. The experiences that only happen when you have little kids will be gone until, maybe one day, you get the blessing of doing it all over again with your grandkids.