Every parent goes through this. I know it, we all know it, and yet that reality does not make the process of letting go any easier. I’m not only talking about handing your little kid a phone, dropping them off at the mall, and saying “See ya!” I’m talking about the little things here and there. The things that, at the time, don’t seem so little. Whether it’s learning to leave your kid at their friend’s house without hovering around or handing them off to a teacher to learn in school for a few hours. It can be giving them more responsibilities like letting them shower or feed themselves.
Here is my latest example for struggling to let go. Two weeks after Leo’s brother was born, we had his IEP meeting (Individual Education Plan). This is something most kids with special needs go through when they are ready to enter Pre-K (usually at 3 years old). This was in April. Between being on “Team No Sleep” and the stress of Covid, I completely forgot about it and the fact that we had temporarily signed Leo up for the public-school program that was closest to our house.
A few days ago, they called me to see if I still wanted to register Leo. I was ready to brush off this call. The teacher who called me asked why we weren’t considering it. I paused. She read my mind and asked if it was because we thought he was too young. She caught me. She called me out. Not in a bad way, but in a way that told me this was not her first experience with a hesitant parent. The memory came flooding back. Leo’s dad and I had decided that we would hold off sending him to public school one more year and send him again to the school he had attended 3 days a week last year. We would send him 5 days a week with the 2-year-old class. The teachers for that class are so wonderful and so we thought that was the best option at the time. The thought of leaving him in a public school with teachers we didn’t know for all those hours seemed crazy.
Fast forward 7 months after the pandemic began for us here in America. Leo is currently doing school 2 times a week for 2 hours at home with his wonderful teacher from last year, but with no other students. This is our current situation when I received the call. You would think number two would be easier to decide for school stuff because in theory they would just follow in their older sibling’s footsteps. In our case it’s not. The options we had for Leo’s sister are not the same for him. She was able to reach milestones easily, in some cases even faster than the norm. This is where I have to realize that Leo might need a little more push than she did. I would have never thought to send her to a full day public school at 3 years old, but I wondered if that might be the type of push Leo needs to reach his full potential.
With the help of Leo’s loved ones, we took a few days to think over our options and what we thought would be best for him. For now, since there are so many unknowns still, we will be keeping him where he is at. We know he will continue to flourish and I’m not too worried, but I find myself wondering if I will have the strength to give him more room to breath as he gets older. Where do you draw the line between letting your kid have more freedom and responsibility versus keeping them close by where you know they are safe?
The advice I keep telling myself is to take a page from Leo’s book: Do things on your own time, but be honest about it. Be honest to yourself and to those who know your kid because chances are, they love him/her and want what’s best for them as well. Lean on them and take their opinions into consideration, while still listening to your internal gut aka parental intuition.