These past few months there have been days when I hadn’t realized how stressed I was. I’m an introvert, which means it sometimes takes me a while to realize it. So, I thought I’d share what has been continuously worrying me for two reasons. 1.) I’ve always found that writing calms me and 2.) Sometimes it helps to read about someone else who is feeling the same things you are… So, if I can do that for someone, I consider it a win-win.
Lately it’s been pretty easy to figure out what has been getting me anxious. Leo and Covid. Being a mom can be a stressful gig, even more so during this pandemic. Being a mom to an immunocompromised kid during this pandemic can be a literal gut-wrenching nightmare. I think the worst part is not knowing how your kid would react if they were to get the virus. I’m currently on this boat where some days I don’t worry very much and other days I panic. Fortunately, when things first began to escalate, Leo’s dad, a healthcare worker, was given the opportunity to work from home due to Leo’s condition. I will forever be grateful for that, but now that option is no longer available, he is back working at the hospital, and things are beginning to escalate again in our state.
Leo has a heart condition known as Tetralogy of Fallot. He had surgery to correct it at 3 months and will require another surgery in a few years to replace the part he is outgrowing. These surgeries allow for him to have a normal life, but he will always have this heart disease. His heart, his lung (which is still healing after collapsing during post-op recovery), and his low immunity are what make him high-risk for reacting badly to Covid. All of these factors have played a part on how viruses affect him. Usually, what would be a simple cold for another kid, creates complications for him, such as pneumonia or croup. Enter my stress level. I wish I knew how getting Covid would affect him. I wish I knew whether it would land us in the hospital, like a few of his colds have done, or not. However, this is not the case. We don’t know enough to know how he would react and so, many days, I find myself holding my breath, hoping that he will be spared.
In simplest terms, fear of the unknown is what makes it extra scary. I would wager to say that most people, if not all, have a loved one who is considered “high-risk” for this virus. So, what do I try to do when I find my stress levels shoot up? I try to remind myself that, in these uncertain times when we can’t control much, there is one thing that we can control, and that is our emotions. As crazy as it sounds, we can manage our stress levels to some degree. Although it may seem impossible when we begin seeing the news and hearing these demoralizing stories, we can decide how much they affect our mood.
Just remember that for every story you see in the news of someone getting Covid and unexpectedly having to be put on a ventilator at a young age, completely healthy, there is also a story of an 80+ person getting Covid and coming out of the other side ready to go home. I also try talking to others who have a positive outlook. It doesn’t mean that they are in denial of what’s going on, but they do realize that a lot of it is out of our control and the best we can do is protect ourselves as much as we can. This means following the recommendations of health officials by wearing masks, washing our hands, and not going to crowded places. Finally, as I’ve mentioned before, I go to my #1 prayer/mantra: The Serenity Prayer….
"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
I can’t say that these strategies always work for me. Let’s be honest, motherhood is a beautiful thing, but it means that you’re never allowed to fully let your guard down…and I’m okay with that because the rewards are worth it. However, it’s important to remember, like Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston said, “We were moving mountains, long before we knew we could.” This is a reminder that we are capable of handling a lot more than we think. Even more so with the help of God and our loved ones.
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