I write this post with conflicted emotions. It took me a while to even figure out where to start. I am a mom to a kid without any special learning needs and to a kid with special learning needs. Isabella, my “typical” child, goes to a private Catholic school, the one I went to as a kid to be more specific. Leo, my child with “special needs” is about to go into Pre-K4. For his sister, after going to an open house of my old school, it was a no-brainer where she was going to go for Pre-K4. It’s a good education, a community we know, and they share our faith and morals. I know that our society has come a LONG way and I do count our blessings that we have more than one option of where we can send Leo to school, but it’s more than just having availabilities of schools. Let me start by quickly explaining the three options we have for Leo. The first would be sending him to a public school designated for him by the state school board when we met to create his Individualized Education Plan (IEP). The second option would be a private small school, which happens to be where he does his speech therapy, but it doesn’t go past preschool. Finally, the third potential option for the future would be to present Isabella’s private Catholic school with a proposal to see if they would be willing to welcome Leo for the 2022-2023 school year.
As my husband and I begin the process of selecting where Leo will go next year, I started to realize that the fact that Leo can’t go to the same school his sister is at has been gnawing at my heart for a while. My husband is the more happy-go-lucky of the two of us. He tends to see the bright side of things. So, for him, he is more flexible where our son ends up, as long as he can see that Leo will get a good education. For me, it’s a bit harder to see it this way. I grew up going to the same school as my family. I used to love walking down the hallways and catching glimpses of my brother, my sister, or my cousins. I’d wave at them like I had just seen a celebrity and they would wave back just as excited – or at least that’s what my point of view was. For Isabella, I know she would love to catch those glimpses of Leo and come home excitedly to tell us. Likewise, I know Leo would probably have a smile straight across his face at the sight of his sister or cousins (most of his cousins will be going to that school, if they are not there already). In addition to being near his family, who I’m sure will always look out for him, I love knowing the teachers and the community that is a part of this school. They’re either family friends or connected to someone we know, and therefore we know about them. This is a huge comfort, especially when it comes to Leo. He isn’t fully verbal now, so sending him to a school where I don’t know anyone, even if I met the teachers once or twice, isn’t the same as sending him to a place where I know the communication will be more genuine. Perhaps sending him to a new school community will provide this genuine transparency, but the uncertainty is what makes me uneasy. I also feel that going to a school where we know the community will give him a better chance at creating a group of friends that will stay with him throughout his life, just like the friends I created when I went there.
I truly wish I had a crystal ball just to see what school scenario would help Leo reach his full potential, or at least the place that would give him the best fighting chance to be his best happy self. I know if he doesn’t ever end up at the school his sister is at, they will both be fine, unless I start to displace my feelings over to them (which I am making sure not to do). That being said, I’ve been talking to other parents who have felt the same way I do. They’ve made me realize that until a parent decides they will take on the task of trying to make changes, no changes will be made. I also plan to communicate my thoughts to Isabella’s school. It can’t hurt to ask or at least throw the idea around. At the end of the day, as Catholics, we teach inclusion by teaching to love one another as God loves us. Sometimes the line between being a Catholic school and being a good school becomes too wide. The scholastic world is becoming extremely competitive and as a mom to a “typical” child I also hope she is given her best fighting chance at a good education. On that note, I think, if done right, it is possible to benefit from an inclusive school while still keeping an efficient teaching environment. I think if we give our kids the opportunity for this inclusion, not only will they be better human beings, but us adults might learn a thing or two from them.
As the time comes to make a decision regarding Leo’s Pre-K4 schooling, I really am thankful we have more options than many parents did a few years ago. However, I don’t have the option of where I would really like to send him, and this sits heavy with my heart. I can’t say that I will have the drive to dive into this endeavor because I am torn between advocating for my son, while also trying to be the best mother to all my kids and the best wife to my other half. With this in mind, I’ve found myself wondering: When our kids are diagnosed with Down Syndrome, are we initially sad because of the diagnosis or is it because we realize that the world we live in is not properly equipped to fully welcome our kids and their diagnosis? As advocate parents, are we supposed to just be happy with where we are and not try to strive for more? Are we just supposed to acknowledge that we've come a long way and leave it where it's at?